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Opting Out?: Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home, by Pamela Stone
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Noting a phenomenon that might seem to recall a previous era, The New York Times Magazine recently portrayed women who leave their careers in order to become full-time mothers as “opting out.” But, are high-achieving professional women really choosing to abandon their careers in order to return home? This provocative study is the first to tackle this issue from the perspective of the women themselves. Based on a series of candid, in-depth interviews with women who returned home after working as doctors, lawyers, bankers, scientists, and other professions, Pamela Stone explores the role that their husbands, children, and coworkers play in their decision; how women’s efforts to construct new lives and new identities unfold once they are home; and where their aspirations and plans for the future lie. What we learn—contrary to many media perceptions—is that these high-flying women are not opting out but are instead being pushed out of the workplace. Drawing on their experiences, Stone outlines concrete ideas for redesigning workplaces to make it easier for women—and men—to attain their goal of living rewarding lives that combine both families and careers.
- Sales Rank: #239145 in Books
- Published on: 2008-06-02
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .88" w x 6.00" l, .94 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 310 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Opting out," "off-ramping" and "following the mommy track" are all popular terms to describe professional women who leave their jobs to be stay-at-home moms. But do they describe the truth of the matter? Stone, an associate professor of sociology at Hunter College and the CUNY Graduate Center, set out to answer this question after discovering that there was no research on the matter; perceptions of these women were shaped almost exclusively by the media. Stone conducted in-depth interviews with 54 women: white women who had been highly successful professionals and were married to men who could support them while they stayed at home—i.e., women who had a "choice." What Stone found was fascinating and surprising: women quit because of work, not family, and only as a last resort: "They have been unsuccessful in their efforts to find flexibility or... because they found themselves marginalized and stigmatized, negatively reinforced for trying to hold onto their careers after becoming mothers." These women were abandoning "all-or-nothing" workplaces where the demands were so unrelenting that, as one mutual fund trader put it, "there were days when I couldn't get up from my desk to go to the bathroom." Stone's revealing study adds an important counterpoint to Leslie Bennetts's forthcoming The Feminine Mistake. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
"A highly worthwhile book."--"American Jrnl of Sociology / Ajs"
"A highly worthwhile book."--"American Journal of Sociology / Ajs"
From the Inside Flap
"With insight and compassion, Pamela Stone shows convincingly that, far from representing a return to tradition, the decision of some women to relinquish high-powered careers is a reluctant and conflict-ridden response to the growing mismatch between privatized families and time-demanding jobs. By charting the institutional obstacles and cultural pressures that continue to leave even the most advantaged women facing impossible options, Opting Out? gets beneath the hype and offers the real story behind the misleading headlines. This groundbreaking study is required reading for anyone who cares about the fate of families, work, and gender equality in contemporary America."—Kathleen Gerson, author of Hard Choices: How Women Decide About Work, Career, and Motherhood
"Pamela Stone's Opting Out? is a creative and beautifully written addition to the burgeoning scholarly and popular literature on work and family. Stone gives voice to those elite career women—the 'best and the brightest'—who have returned home to raise their kids. She creatively unpacks these women's 'choices,' describing both the 'pulls' of family life but also the labor market 'pushes.' Opting Out? is a fully nuanced portrait of women (and their husbands) struggling to make important life decisions in a culture that often provides only simplistic zero-sum alternatives: mom or worker, even though most women are already working moms. Women want alternative visions of working motherhood, yet are often stymied by outmoded workplace models (and firms and managers) insensitive to the concerns of working families. Stone's work challenges our organizational leaders and policy makers to do better, for women, but also more generally for working families, workplace organizations, and society as a whole."—Patricia A. Roos, Rutgers University
"Pamela Stone has listened to women with high powered careers now at home with their kids as no one else has. Bringing an open mind and equal parts sympathy and skepticism, coupled with years of training as a social scientist, Stone analyzes the opt out decision and comes to surprising conclusions. Delving beneath the superficial, media-friendly explanations, she finds the real movers in the drama: rising norms of intensive mothering, fathers ensconced in even more demanding and better-paying jobs, and inflexible workplaces that refuse to accommodate reduced hours. Brilliantly written and argued, this book reveals what's really going on in women's minds and corporate America today, and what we can do to make equal opportunity at home and on the job reality rather than rhetoric."—Heidi Hartmann, Institute for Women's Policy Research
"A fascinating, fine-grained look at the real reasons why many professional women with children leave the workplace. Stone's research and her well-written account make it clear that educated mothers aren't opting out; they are being shut out by inflexible employers. Must reading for anyone interested in understanding the 'reality of constraint' behind the 'rhetoric of choice.'"—Ann Crittenden, author of The Price of Motherhood
"Based on a study, but told through the eloquent stories of women who are at-home mothers, this seminal book goes beyond the myths, misconceptions, and even what is usually said, to reveal very important and compelling truths. Everyone who cares about work and family life in the United States today needs to read this book."—Ellen Galinsky, President, Families and Work Institute, and author of Ask the Children
"A brilliant analysis. With exquisite sensitivity, Stone unpacks the painful process by which most women who 'opt out' feel pushed out by workplace pressures from their own-and their husbands'-all-or-nothing careers. This book offers sophisticated sociology at its accessible best, in the tradition of Arlie Hochschild's pathbreaking work."—Joan Williams, author of Unbending Gender
"'Ladies, start your engines.' This exhortation concludes the illuminating analysis of vibrant, fully realized stories Pamela Stone heard in talking to women who left professional work for full-time home life. Thank you, Pamela Stone, for producing new knowledge that both individuals and business policy-makers will find essential in creating the conditions that will enable business professionals to meet this profound social and economic challenge."—Stewart Friedman, Director, Wharton Work/Life Integration Project, University of Pennsylvania
Most helpful customer reviews
30 of 31 people found the following review helpful.
A nicely balanced look at the pros and cons of opting out, with real examples
By Kcorn
What I particularly liked about this book: Stone's interviews and discussions with actual women who decided to opt out of working (even though many of them could have made big bucks) as well as her solid research.
Readers should be aware that the author, by her own admission (p. 15 of the book), focused on white married women with children and that these women had previously worked as managers or professionals. If you don't fall into that group, this book may not appeal to you. These women, for the most part, also had husbands who could support their decision to stay home.In short, these women often had expensive college degrees and were high achievers.
Stone also points out that women who tend to "opt out" are the exception, not the rule, citing studies that indicate that 70 percent of the women who are married mothers of preschoolers still continue to work. Turn this figure around and the reality is that one out of every four women DOES decide to stay home. This book is an exploration of these particular women and it is written in what I found to be a very nonjudgmental and open style.
The author was also able to get some company heads to admit their mixed feelings about mothers in the workplace, their fears about them being less committed to their jobs or more likely to quit.
Other areas covered in this book include:
Most women quit only as a last resort (p. 18)
Each woman's story was unique, often complex and with many factors.
There was often ambivalence and a shifting of roles within the home
Their decision did NOT signal a return to traditionalism (p. 19).
Their former workplaces often made it difficult, if not impossible, for them to continue balancing family and work, rejecting their attempts to create innovations while maintaining productivity.
If you'd like to know what is featured in each Chapter, here's a quick rundown:
Chapter 1 - Looks at various women (the former Ivy League sports star, the CPA, the Consultant, an editor, a stock trader, etc) and their various experiences at work.
Chapter 2- 3- Looks at the families, children and husbands.
Chapter 4- Focuses on work, problems and challenges and factors that lead to a decision to opt out.
Chapters 6-8 - Life at home, coping techniques, finding new identities.
Chapter 9- Explores possible ways that women could continue to work (if they chose) and minimizing the obstacles that make staying home a necessity, not a choice.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Good Read
By Wünderbar Mutti
This book was great. I would recommend this book to any women thinking about starting a family or anyone concerned with the shortage of women in corporate world. This book read almost like a novel since you follow the lives of several women. It is very enjoyable and dosen't preach about which choice is better for a women to make, working or staying at home. I really liked it and learned a lot. My one complaint is that women in this book are all super rich and had very powerful jobs. Perhaps the author should have looked at minority and middle class women as well.
6 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent Examination of the Complicated Decision to Stay Home
By Carol Fishman Cohen, co-founder iRelaunch.com
Pamela Stone's examination of the issues and complexities of making the decision to leave a career, or at least to take a multi year career break, is spot on. I was on maternity leave with my first child when my company collapsed, so I knew I wasn't returning to that job. But I did have to decide whether to start looking for another full time job. My husband and I weren't getting any younger and we wanted to have more kids so I ended up working in limited part time jobs for a few years and then took a complete career break when my fourth child was born. It was tough to watch my peers advance in their careers while mine was at a standstill. Ultimately I returned to work, first in a demanding full time job at an investment firm and then as the author of a book on career reentry and founder of a company focusing on career reentry programming. But it was a long journey and I could relate directly to experiences of the women profiled in Stone's book. Her voice is a critical one in the "opt out/opt in" discussion.
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